Do you remember the 2009 American romantic comedy and Golden Globe nominated movie titled, It’s Complicated with Meryl Streep (Jane), Alec Baldwin (Jake) and Steve Martin (Adam)? In case you didn’t see it, the plot is that Jane and Jake have three grown children together and have been divorced ten years. Jane is single and has taken an interest in the contractor she hired to remodel her home and Jake is married to the woman he cheated on Jane with.
Jane and Jake begin an affair while attending their son’s college graduation in New York and the affair continues when they return home to Santa Barbara, California. Their children are not happy with Mom and Dad’s relationship because they hadn’t yet gotten over the divorce. Adam spots Jake naked in Jane’s bedroom via a webcam and breaks their relationship off…
Now that’s complicated!
When I think of something being complicated, these words come to mind – difficult; not easily understood or untangled; confusing.
I am reminded of a coaching session with a client not long ago. She wanted to focus our session on an internal struggle she was having around leaving a business she built, loved, and made a very good living at. She was healthy but she was also tired of the stress associated with the work. However, fear of leaving what was comfortable for “retirement” gripped her.
She was making this transition more complicated than it needed to be because she didn’t have a clear picture of what her days would look like after leaving the high-paced, stressful environment she was accustomed to and tired of.
I acknowledged my client’s good decisions, having created a very good life so far, and I reminded her how exciting it was to see her at this juncture – healthy, financially secure and married to the love of her life. Then I asked her if she was ready to create an even more amazing life!
She began to explore more deeply what she would enjoy spending her time doing and I noticed the light first in her eyes. Then her whole body came alive and she became animated. She knew exactly what she was passionate about and how she would serve others. (It’s moments like these that I and other coaches live for: client transformation!)
The transformation my client experienced at this moment is called a paradigm shift and according to Your Best Year Yet author Jinny Ditzler, “when we take responsibility for our capacity for positive change, we can control and guide our intelligence and our feelings and point them toward the results we want. As this happens, we are drawn to our goals as if by a magnet.”
During the session with my client, space was created where she freely explored and captured the vision of what was next for her. This vision of what was possible became the magnet as she literally saw the end goal.
My client then determined the action steps needed to realize the goal. In other words, she built the bridge. Frequently, we worry too much about “how to” build the bridge in the absence of clarity around the end goal – where the bridge will take us. Connect with the goal first is my counsel. Then the way to get there is not complicated at all!
Says author Steve Chandler, “Great coaches do work that is similar to a sculptor’s work. They see what’s possible in their client, and then they help the client carve the negative beliefs away. Soon the client is feeling a freedom he has never known.”
I saw the angel in the marble,
And I carved until I set him free.
About the Author
Cindy Bostick is a Best Year Yet® Program Leader and Business/Life Coach. She was President of the 2012 Women’s Council of Realtors Victor Valley Chapter and also a Real Estate Broker. In 2010, Cindy transitioned from the role of managing a large real estate franchise to focus on coaching individuals and teams achieve the results they most want and need in their lives.
She is especially sensitive to the challenges faced by real estate and other professionals today and works with her clients to provide perspective, a road map and accountability as they create and achieve their most important business and personal goals.
Prior to real estate sales, management and coaching, Cindy invested 20 years in the defense industry as Sr. Finance and Business Manager. She holds an undergraduate degree in Business and has completed graduate level marketing course work.
In January 2012, Cindy attended Michael Neill’s internationally renowned Supercoach Academy.
Cindy and her husband reside in Apple Valley, Ca.